Spoken in a Touch

On March 5, 2014December 1, 2014 By Stacy N. SergentIn Chaplaincy, Holidays, Love for Neighbor and Self7 Comments

A touch can speak beyond words. Many times in the hospital, a patient or family member will grab my hand and hold on so tightly that I know it isn’t really me they’re holding on to in that moment. A spinal cord injury patient who was paralyzed from the neck down always insisted that I hold his hand while I prayed with him, and I wondered why, when he couldn’t even feel it. During some visits, when there is nothing to be said, I will place my hand on someone’s shoulder, or rub calming circles on his back as he is bent with weeping. Sometimes this is still scary to me, and my touch is tentative, uncertain of the recipient’s response. A few times I have felt the person stiffen, or shrug away my hand, and I immediately retract it. But most of the time, the touch is welcomed for what it is — a means of connection. Continue reading “Spoken in a Touch” →

How Many Have You Saved?

On January 13, 2014December 1, 2014 By Stacy N. SergentIn Chaplaincy, Love for Neighbor and Self1 Comment

It happens sometimes when I am introduced to someone new, a friend of a friend perhaps. They ask what I do, and when I tell them, their responses vary widely. I’ve gotten blank stares when the person has no idea what to say next. I’ve been thanked and congratulated on my decision to go into ministry. I’ve heard all the reasons why the other person thinks religion is only for idiots. And not long ago, when I told someone new that I am a chaplain, she hit me with, “That’s wonderful! How many have you saved?” Continue reading “How Many Have You Saved?” →

Grief and Hope: Advent 1

On December 1, 2013December 1, 2014 By Stacy N. SergentIn Chaplaincy, Grief, Holidays, Love for Neighbor and SelfLeave a comment

Last night, I was chaplain to a family dealing with a sudden loss. In their grief, they asked over and over, as so many of us do, “Why?” I didn’t even attempt an answer. Anything would have been just noise at that point. No matter what I said, their loved one would still be dead. The closest I can come to a reason why is that the world is not what it should be. In this season of the liturgical calendar, the lectionary readings remind Christians of just that. Continue reading “Grief and Hope: Advent 1” →

The Value of Being Needy

On November 15, 2013December 1, 2014 By Stacy N. SergentIn Chaplaincy, Love for Neighbor and Self5 Comments

Wandering through the ER, I asked after an employee I know well, trying my best to hold back tears. “Is B___ working tonight?” A few staff members said that she was, but that they hadn’t seen her in a little while. Finally one nurse told me, “I think she got sent to the C side.” I made my way to that section of the emergency department, and found B___ sitting at the nurses’ station, thankfully not busy. “Hey, Chaplain,” she greeted me with a smile. “What are you doing over here?”

“I just needed . . . somebody,” I told her, letting the tears come. Continue reading “The Value of Being Needy” →

Worse Than Death?

On November 3, 2013December 1, 2014 By Stacy N. SergentIn Chaplaincy, Suffering2 Comments

Recently, a friend of a friend asked me a question about death. She is a new employee at a hospital in another state. Though we haven’t seen each other in years, she remembered that I was a chaplain, got my number from our mutual friend, and wanted to talk. “I’m not a religious person,” she began. “I’m not even sure I believe in God. But if there is a God, I need to know if he’ll judge me for this. I’ve killed three people already.” Confused, I asked her to explain about these killings. She told me how she had been the one to remove the breathing tubes and turn off the ventilators for three terminal patients. “I know it’s my job,” she said. “And it’s what the families decided to do, and the patients probably would have died anyway. But they died sooner because of me, you know? I’m the one who took them off the vent. They stopped breathing at that moment because of me. Will God punish me for that?” I could hear the tremor in her voice. “I wanted to do this job to help people. And I do. I help a lot of people. But I didn’t count on being the actual instrument of death for some patients, you know? I don’t know how to deal with that.” Continue reading “Worse Than Death?” →

A Most Reluctant Prophet

On October 25, 2013December 1, 2014 By Stacy N. SergentIn Chaplaincy, Grief4 Comments

This week is a time set aside by organizations and individuals around the world as Pastoral Care Week, to recognize the contributions of professional chaplains and pastoral counselors. Each year, a different aspect of pastoral care is brought to light with the annual theme. This year’s theme is “Prophetic Voice.” I have to say, this is not my favorite. Being a prophetic voice — a truthteller — is one of the most anxiety-producing parts of being a chaplain for me. I can listen all day long. I can be a supportive, non-judgmental presence. I can celebrate diversity of beliefs. I can sit in silence with the dying. No problem! But speaking truth, even getting confrontational? That’s something else entirely. I have had to learn to do it, and it is still not easy. Continue reading “A Most Reluctant Prophet” →

What’s Saving My Life This Week

On October 16, 2013December 1, 2014 By Stacy N. SergentIn Chaplaincy, Love for Neighbor and Self, Women in Ministry4 Comments

As you might have guessed if you’ve read any of my other blog posts, my job can be pretty stressful at times. Those of us in caregiving professions can easily become exhausted — physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually — by the constant demands of helping others. Sooner or later, inevitably, we will experience what is known as compassion fatigue. It happened to me during my first year as a staff chaplain. (Actually, I’m sure it was happening to me during CPE as well, but it just felt like part of the gauntlet of that year of chaplain residency that we all had to endure!) I had not yet learned to recognize the signs. I was not getting enough sleep. I was eating unhealthy foods at strange times of day. For a while, I would burst into tears whenever anyone outside the hospital asked me how I was doing, because I was working so hard to keep my emotions in check at work. Continue reading “What’s Saving My Life This Week” →

I’m Hard to Shock Anymore (Even When I Get Asked for a Lap Dance)

On October 15, 2013August 20, 2015 By Stacy N. SergentIn Chaplaincy, Grief, Women in Ministry7 Comments

I won’t say I’ve heard it all, but as a hospital chaplain, I hear a lot. There are things people say in the midst of crisis that they wouldn’t say otherwise. Things that a few years ago would have made me blush or left me speechless, I now take in stride. When I was called to the room of an elderly patient who was actively dying, I found his children and grandchildren gathered around the bed. I expressed my sympathies, listened to their stories about him, and at their request prayed for a peaceful passing for him at the right time, as well as comfort and strength for his family. Before leaving, I asked, “Is there anything else I can do?” The patient’s grandson, a few years younger than me, asked, “I don’t guess you do lap dances, do you?” His mother used his full name as she smacked him in the back of the head, looking at me apologetically. “What?” he said. “Not for me, for Grandpa! You never know what might help.” Continue reading “I’m Hard to Shock Anymore (Even When I Get Asked for a Lap Dance)” →

Why You’ll Never Hear Me Say “God Doesn’t Give Us More Than We Can Handle”

On October 6, 2013December 3, 2014 By Stacy N. SergentIn Chaplaincy, Grief, Suffering12 Comments

I was sitting at the bedside of a tearful patient, a woman hospitalized with pain and bleeding after her fifth consecutive miscarriage. A few hours after she checked in, she got a phone call from a family member telling her that her youngest sister had been killed in a car crash. Her nurse asked me to visit her that evening, and so I sat, holding her hand, telling her how sorry I was. Then she said it. “I know they say God won’t put on us any more than we can handle, but I . . . I just . . .” She fell back against the bed, sobbing too hard to speak.

“But it feels like more than you can handle right now,” I offered. She nodded and squeezed my hand. Continue reading “Why You’ll Never Hear Me Say “God Doesn’t Give Us More Than We Can Handle”” →

About the title, part 2: Jesus

On September 28, 2013December 3, 2014 By Stacy N. SergentIn Chaplaincy2 Comments

As I mentioned in my previous post, “Jesus Lady” is a nickname I was given at the hospital. It happened a few years ago, when I was called to the room of a very sick pediatric patient. They asked me to give voice to their prayer and I did so the best I knew how, after asking them specifically what they wanted me to pray for and what their beliefs were. When I returned to the room the next night to check on the child, he was, to everyone’s surprise, doing much better. As I was leaving the hospital the following morning, I heard someone yell from across the parking lot, “Hey, Jesus Lady!” I turned to see the child’s father, smiling and giving me the thumbs up. “Great job!” he said. I laughed and waved off the compliment, feeling that whatever good had been done, it was certainly not within my power to do it. (If I did have that power, I’d make sure every patient I prayed for made a full recovery, and I can assure you that is NOT what always happens.) A few of my friends on staff heard this exchange, and teasingly called me Jesus Lady for a long time after that. Some of them still do. Continue reading “About the title, part 2: Jesus” →