Category: Perfectionism

Becoming Into Another Decade

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Gratitude, Holidays, Love for Neighbor and Self, Parenting, Perfectionism, Women in Ministry, Writing1 Comment

A lot has happened since the first day of 2010. That’s true for the world at large, of course, and probably true in any of our individual lives. I’m a sucker for new beginnings, and for nice round numbers ending in zero, so despite a pretty tough 2019, I find myself very hopeful as we face the beginning of a new year and a new decade tomorrow. It would be easy to look back at the last ten years and see all the things that haven’t turned out as I had hoped or planned. As a type 4 on the enneagram, I am someone who makes great big beautiful plans and goals on a regular basis, and regularly finds myself shocked and embarrassed when I am unable to bring them to fruition. (Hey, remember when I was going to do 40 new things for my 40th birthday? Yeah, let’s try to forget.) But rather than wallowing in my losses and failures (we 4s looove to wallow), I’d like to look back gratefully at all the things I was able to become in the 2010s, and (maybe in a later post) dream hopefully of some things I’d like to become in the 2020s.

In the past decade, I have become:  Continue reading “Becoming Into Another Decade” →

How Did This Judgmental 1950s TV Housewife Get in My Head?

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Body Image, Love for Neighbor and Self, Parenting, Perfectionism3 Comments

I’ve been married all of six months. Everyone says the first year of marriage is the hardest, because of all the change it brings. Some of those changes I knew to expect. But one thing I was not prepared for was all the guilt. I’ve been surprised by the guilt that comes from not meeting all these expectations I didn’t even realize I had for myself as a wife and (step)mother. I am an unapologetic feminist, and didn’t think traditional gender roles carried much weight in my psyche. It turns out that on some level, they do. It’s like I have this horribly perfect housewife from some old TV show (because nobody is that perfect in real life) breaking into my thoughts, constantly telling me how I’m screwing everything up. Continue reading “How Did This Judgmental 1950s TV Housewife Get in My Head?” →

On No Longer Being “Young”

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Gratitude, Love for Neighbor and Self, Parenting, Perfectionism1 Comment

It’s been way too long since I’ve written here. A lot has changed in my life in the past few months. When I started this blog a few years ago, the tagline read, “A single thirtysomething hospital chaplain learning (and unlearning) about life, death, God, myself, and other things along the way.” The “single” part changed in a big way when I got engaged last August, and in an even bigger way when I got married and became a stepmom to two young boys in March. Those changes (and others) have made it difficult to find time to write, but today I must. This is the day I lose another part of the tagline. As of today, I am no longer “thirtysomething.” And officially, according to one group that has meant a lot to me over the years, today I no longer qualify as “young.” The above photo was taken on my honeymoon, when I took a drink from the Fountain of Youth. Obviously it didn’t work. Continue reading “On No Longer Being “Young”” →

This Body of Dust

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Body Image, Gratitude, Holidays, Love for Neighbor and Self, Perfectionism2 Comments

If you ever feel like you don’t have enough insecurities about your body, try looking through some bridal magazines. And then go to a store and try on dresses like the ones in those magazines. Look in the mirror and notice that your body looks so different in the dresses from those women in the magazines that you might as well be two different species. Voilà! Instant body insecurities! It sure worked for me, anyway. It doesn’t help that while cleaning out my closet the other day, I came across a picture of me from the time just over a decade ago when, for about a year, I was as close as I will ever come to my ideal weight. That picture tortured me maybe even more than the pictures of models in magazines. My eyes filled with tears looking at it as I thought, That’s the body I want to get married in. Why couldn’t I have had my wedding then?! I obsessed about how much better that body would look in my wedding dress (and my wedding night lingerie) and in all the hundreds of photos that will be taken of me on that day. But instead, I will get hundreds of photos of this body I have now, the one that is regrettably far from ideal. Continue reading “This Body of Dust” →

Confessions of a Frustrated Author

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Perfectionism, Writing1 Comment

Writing a book is hard. I started one in 2009, and finished it five years later. Getting a book published is very hard. My first one was published last year, and it was very exciting. Selling published books is really, really hard. Every day I have to fight the fear that I’m a failure as an author because we haven’t sold out our first printing in a year. Every time I open the trunk of my car, I see a box of unsold books, taunting me. There are reasons not to lose hope, I remind myself. My publisher forwarded me a newsletter from Bibliocrunch that mentioned industry averages, so I could see that my first year sales are almost exactly what the average author can expect. I remind myself all the time that the people who have read my book, though fewer in number than I’d like, have loved it. And they want more. Continue reading “Confessions of a Frustrated Author” →

Happiness: It’s Not Just for Skinny People

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Body Image, Love for Neighbor and Self, Perfectionism5 Comments

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I have a confession to make. This isn’t easy, but I need to say it. Even with all the wonderful things that have been happening in my life this year — and there are a lot of them — I still struggle with feelings of failure. And I know exactly why. As much as I actively fight against it for other people, as much as I give lip service to body positivity, I am still chained to the lie that being overweight means I am not as good as people who are thin. When I look at the picture of me above, the first things I see are my doughy arms and my double chin, and I feel a deep sense of shame. Continue reading “Happiness: It’s Not Just for Skinny People” →

Stacy Crochetcy (It Rhymes!)

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Love for Neighbor and Self, Perfectionism, Prayer2 Comments

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This week, I began a new business venture. I’ve been crocheting for a few years now, mostly making fun things for myself or gifts for friends and family. Over and over, I heard some of them say, “You should open an Etsy shop!” And so I finally have. I’m starting with just a few items, but I’ll be adding more in the days ahead, and I’m excited! If you’re looking for some lovely and slightly quirky handmade gifts, I invite you to check it out at this link: StacyCrochetcy on Etsy

Crocheting is more than just a hobby for me; it’s a spiritual discipline. Sometimes, through the gift of holy imagination, I have conversations with God while we crochet together.  Continue reading “Stacy Crochetcy (It Rhymes!)” →

My Birthday Wish

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Body Image, Chaplaincy, Dating, Gratitude, Grief, Love for Neighbor and Self, Peace, Perfectionism, Singleness7 Comments

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It’s my birthday. I will celebrate with friends today, and tomorrow as well. But to be honest, I have mixed feelings about birthdays the last few years. I know it has something to do with not being where I am “supposed to be” at this point in my life, as I was reminded by a list a friend posted to Facebook the other day about differences between your 20s and 30s. At least half the things on the list assumed that everyone in their 30s has a spouse and children. And I always thought I would. But now I’m nearing the end of my 30s, and the likelihood that I will be a wife and mother before I’m 40, if ever, seems smaller all the time. Continue reading “My Birthday Wish” →

2014 With No Mistakes In It

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Holidays, Perfectionism3 Comments

It’s been awhile.  If you hadn’t noticed, my blogging has been lagging of late.  Even in the busyness of the holiday season, I had promised myself that I’d post at least once a week, and I was doing it.  The first three Sundays of Advent, I wrote something to go along with the theme of that week.  But the weekend of the fourth Sunday of Advent, I had to do a funeral, and I was traveling to Kentucky to visit my family for Christmas, and to make a long story short, it just didn’t happen.  But even before that, I was having some trouble.  A well-meaning friend had told me after my first few blog posts, “Wow, you are knocking it out of the park every time!”  And instead of being pleased, my first thought was, Well, shit.  Now I can’t write anything mediocre. Continue reading “2014 With No Mistakes In It” →