Two Freds (and me)

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Love for Neighbor and Self, Peace4 Comments

Fred_Phelps_on_his_pulpit

mister-rogers

They both showed up several times in my newsfeed today. Both Caucasian American men and both pastors named Fred, but otherwise they seemed complete opposites. Today was the birthday of Fred McFeely Rogers, a Presbyterian minister who passed away in 2003. His real congregation was the millions of children (including the one I was thirty years or so ago) who knew him through public television simply as their neighbor Mister Rogers. And today saw the death, after a long decline, of Fred Phelps, the pastor of Westboro Baptist Church, famous for picketing funerals and other events with signs proclaiming God’s hatred for some people. The juxtaposition was jarring. I thought about the two Freds all day, and couldn’t help wondering if they will meet in the afterlife. What would they say to one another? What does each of them know now about God that he got wrong while here on earth? (None of us gets it completely right, I’m sure, not even Mister Rogers.) Continue reading “Two Freds (and me)” →

Spoken in a Touch

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Chaplaincy, Holidays, Love for Neighbor and Self7 Comments

ashcross

A touch can speak beyond words. Many times in the hospital, a patient or family member will grab my hand and hold on so tightly that I know it isn’t really me they’re holding on to in that moment. A spinal cord injury patient who was paralyzed from the neck down always insisted that I hold his hand while I prayed with him, and I wondered why, when he couldn’t even feel it. During some visits, when there is nothing to be said, I will place my hand on someone’s shoulder, or rub calming circles on his back as he is bent with weeping. Sometimes this is still scary to me, and my touch is tentative, uncertain of the recipient’s response. A few times I have felt the person stiffen, or shrug away my hand, and I immediately retract it. But most of the time, the touch is welcomed for what it is — a means of connection. Continue reading “Spoken in a Touch” →

How Many Have You Saved?

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Chaplaincy, Love for Neighbor and Self1 Comment

pastoralcare

It happens sometimes when I am introduced to someone new, a friend of a friend perhaps.  They ask what I do, and when I tell them, their responses vary widely.  I’ve gotten blank stares when the person has no idea what to say next.  I’ve been thanked and congratulated on my decision to go into ministry.  I’ve heard all the reasons why the other person thinks religion is only for idiots.  And not long ago, when I told someone new that I am a chaplain, she hit me with, “That’s wonderful!  How many have you saved?” Continue reading “How Many Have You Saved?” →

2014 With No Mistakes In It

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Holidays, Perfectionism3 Comments

It’s been awhile.  If you hadn’t noticed, my blogging has been lagging of late.  Even in the busyness of the holiday season, I had promised myself that I’d post at least once a week, and I was doing it.  The first three Sundays of Advent, I wrote something to go along with the theme of that week.  But the weekend of the fourth Sunday of Advent, I had to do a funeral, and I was traveling to Kentucky to visit my family for Christmas, and to make a long story short, it just didn’t happen.  But even before that, I was having some trouble.  A well-meaning friend had told me after my first few blog posts, “Wow, you are knocking it out of the park every time!”  And instead of being pleased, my first thought was, Well, shit.  Now I can’t write anything mediocre. Continue reading “2014 With No Mistakes In It” →

Ambivalence and Joy: Advent 3

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Holidays3 Comments

advent-wreath-pic

I have such mixed feelings about the holiday season that, I’ll admit, when one particular Christmas song comes on the radio, I change the words a little and sing, “It’s the most ambivalent time of the year!”  I love Christmas, don’t get me wrong.  I’m usually the first in my neighborhood to put up Christmas lights, and I look forward all year to my annual holiday party.  But the past few years especially, I’ve been feeling kind of left out of Christmas.  I hear all the songs on the radio, and watch all the movies, and see all the commercials, and walk past the greeting card aisle, and I get the impression that Christmas isn’t for people like me.  It’s for people surrounded by big families, not for those of us who live alone with a dog and have family living hundreds of miles away.  It’s for people whose gloriously romantic (and ridiculously wealthy) significant others buy them diamond jewelry and new cars with huge red bows on them, not for those of us without a significant other and living paycheck to paycheck.  Most of all, it’s for people who are happy, and there are plenty of days that’s just not me. Continue reading “Ambivalence and Joy: Advent 3” →

Fear and Peace: Advent 2

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Holidays, Peace1 Comment

Bethlehem wallBethlehem wall 2

Israel made me nervous.  In all my international travels, I had never been anywhere that I felt so unsafe.  Before entering any of the shops in downtown Jerusalem, we had to have our bags searched for weapons, and it seemed every shopkeeper had a story to tell about a bombing that his or her business had managed to survive.  One of my friends said that she felt protected because everywhere we went, there were teenage Israeli soldiers with guns.  Their presence made me feel just the opposite.  And yet every day, we heard “Peace.”  Shalom, the Hebrew word for “peace,” is the common greeting there, and it was in our ears and on our lips at each stop along our journey.  Shalom.  Peace. Continue reading “Fear and Peace: Advent 2” →

unwrapping the presence of God

On By Stacy N. SergentIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

A powerful reminder that it’s about presence, not presents.

preachermusings's avatara preacher musing

This I have gleaned
from multiple conversations with wise elders—
not just the wry, explicit word I’ve heard from so many now,
“Growing old is not for the weak or faint of heart,”
but also the sense that in our old age
we pay for the life we’ve lived—
the physical toll of our body’s work and play,
the daily wear and tear of a lifetime of days,
and the emotional toll—
all payment due for having lived long
and ventured to spend one’s self fully.

But in conversation with one wise woman,
the vital importance was clear
of remembering the joy—
the savor of what was.

So I know how I want to prepare for aging.
The questions are simple.
What are the memories I want to have,
and am I making them?

Because I want to store up
the kinds of memories that will sustain me—
the experiences…

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Grief and Hope: Advent 1

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Chaplaincy, Grief, Holidays, Love for Neighbor and SelfLeave a comment

candle

Last night, I was chaplain to a family dealing with a sudden loss.  In their grief, they asked over and over, as so many of us do, “Why?”  I didn’t even attempt an answer.  Anything would have been just noise at that point.  No matter what I said, their loved one would still be dead.  The closest I can come to a reason why is that the world is not what it should be.  In this season of the liturgical calendar, the lectionary readings remind Christians of just that. Continue reading “Grief and Hope: Advent 1” →

The Subversive Power of Gratitude

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Gratitude, Love for Neighbor and SelfLeave a comment

 turkey

Although you would hardly know it judging by all the Christmas decorations that go up even before the first of November, there is another holiday to celebrate this time of year.  And it may be more important than we realize, especially in difficult times.  I remember having dinners with my cousin and his wife, who were both pretty hostile toward religion, but no meal could begin until she had said, “I’m so thankful for this food and these people.”  I was young and a recent convert to Christianity, so I was bewildered.  One day I finally asked her, “Who are you giving thanks to when you say that?”  She smiled patiently and answered, “I don’t know really, but I have to say it.”   I think she was right.  We all have a need to give thanks. Continue reading “The Subversive Power of Gratitude” →

Why We Still Need to Have This Conversation

On By Stacy N. SergentIn Women in MinistryLeave a comment

modernmagnificat

This month marks the one-year anniversary of the release of The Modern Magnificat: Women Responding to the Call of God.  I’m proud to be one of the women who contributed a ministerial calling story to this collection edited by Jennifer Harris Dault.  I was discussing the book, and my calling, with a friend recently, as we were both reading Sarah Bessey’s new book, Jesus Feminist: An Invitation to Revisit the Bible’s View of Women.  An acquaintance walked by and overheard us.  “Another book about women?” he said laughingly.  “Didn’t you just go hear some other author talk about this same thing?”  He was referring to a convocation with Rachel Held Evans I attended in September, at which she discussed her book, A Year of Biblical Womanhood.  “That’s an important issue, I know.  But there are other things the church needs to focus on,” he said.  “Why do we need to keep having the same conversation?” Continue reading “Why We Still Need to Have This Conversation” →